Showbiz

In appreciation of Victoria Beckham’s superiority

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On the opening night of Viva Forever! last year it was clear that for Victoria Beckham, her days as a Spice Girl were incongruent with her reinvented image as a world-renowned fashion designer and any bubble-gum pop and pseudo-Feminist declarations had no place in her high-end ‘aesthetic.’ She refused to enter the theatre with her former band mates, instead choosing to enter at the last minute with “David and the boys”, and together they posed and marched to their seats as if their entrance was a prelude to the arrival of William and Kate. Here are some of my favourite instances whereby Victoria is literally too fab to be dealin’ with mediocrity.

The 2012 Olympics

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Clearly the most anticipated event of the 2012 Olympics was the reunion of Scary, Ginger, Baby, Sporty and Posh on stage together for the first time since their ill-fated 2007 comeback tour. And the ladies didn’t disappoint as they zig-ah-zig-ah’d their way around the place after arriving to the stage in black cabs. But of course, as ever, all eyes were on Victoria, as she shamelessly posed while Geri and the gals gave it socks with the dance moves. This was genius and is pretty much how I feel about life.

The Viva Forever! press conference

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In her 2001 (hit?) song, Not Such an Innocent Girl (which I obviously adore and is well worth the listen, for hilarity’s sake), Victoria tried to sing sang, “Would it shatter your illusions if this angel had a past?” Well, fast-forward a little over a decade and Victoria clearly thinks that even by touching a Spice Girl, Anna Wintour will banish her to the fashion abyss, trapped forever between a pair of boot-cut jeans and a Von Dutch cap. With her signature pose and pout, Victoria sends out a very clear message that she is way too famous and important to be here. Things to do and markets to be conquering and all that… (Also, don’t you love how baffled / disgusted Victoria is by Mel B in the second pic?)

The Viva Forever! opening night

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Oh what a bloody treat this photo is. THE SHADE of it all. Take a few moments to appreciate Victoria LITERALLY MORTIFIED. Dressed head-to-toe in Isabel Marant, Victoria looks effortlessly stylish next to the hun-tastic glamour of Mel B, et al, but the moment of the night came when Melanie Brown herself, the scoundrel, praised the musical with profanity. Victoria squirms on stage and tries to hide her face from the sheer vulgarity of it all. Even the way she applauds smacks of regal aspiration. So so fab.

Turning her back on Gandy

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Geri, Emma and the two Mels needn’t worry, they’re not the only ones VB ignores! Victoria is definitely the only woman in the world who would let sacrifice cosying up to Gandy on the altar of vanity. We have seen Victoria pose on the red carpet with her hands in her pockets and her left leg protruding for dear life, but in a group photo such as this, it’s beyond comical – so much so that it’s actually iconic. It has to be said though, that Antonio, Roland and David are all donning their best Blue Steels in this Vogue dinner snap as well, so Victoria’s self-indulgence is perfectly acceptable.

The Bambi Awards 2013

The video had me chucking, so it did! From the moment Victoria steps onto the red carpet, THE POSE is on. And I mean seriously on! She doesn’t walk, but she sways and sashays, her chin almost impossibly-angled to make sure she is never caught off-guard. It must be oh-so tedious being VB! Enjoy the rehearsed speeches and superlative praise for Karl Lagerfied in this video too! Everything she does, be it consciously or unconsciously has that delicious air of supremacy off of it. #goals

Her accent

To complete her metamorphosis, Victoria has discarded her Essex twang and traded it in for a much more fashion-friendly accent, which is very plum-in-mouth. Victoria now speaks with a much softer sound than she did in her Spice Girls days, as she is less nasally and her vowels are much rounder. Think she could send David to the same elocutionist? *Victowwwwwiahh* (Check out this video against the BAMBI one for comparative purposes, because hey, what else would you be doing?) The 1997 video is a little gem and VB sounds proper Cockney!

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