I am sitting in the college library with just over a month to go until exams and as I look out onto a sea of studious burgeoning academics, all I can think about is Kim Kardashian. I know, I KNOW! Fresh off the cover of American Vogue, there has never been a more fitting time to examine the disposition of the world’s most famous reality TV star, and if we are to believe Anna Wintour, one half of the ghastly-hashtagged #WorldsMostTalkedAboutCouple. You see, we Irish are fond of the word ‘notions’ and the concept behind it is a simple one – it is a jocular insult hurled at someone who has an idea above their station or is getting too big for their boots. And there are few people who have ideas above their stations bigger than Kim Kardashian. As a woman who started her career on her back, only to become a Vogue covergirl a decade later, Kim is a reminder that every dream is valid and achievable. In one sense, Kim’s ascension to the A-List (and she most definitely is, whether you care to admit it or not) is an inspirational tale of a girl who started from her the bottom and ‘worked’ her way up. She had an idea above her station and look where it got her! Let’s all celebrate the notions of Kim Kardashian. #Notions
She once thought she could sing and recorded the iconic single, Jam (Turn It Up):
If you ever needed a definition for #notions, here it is. I am not in the business of likening Kim Kardashian’s musical efforts to significant events in Irish history, but when W.B. Yeats wrote “A terrible beauty is born” in his poem, Easter 1916, it seems like a foreshadowing description of Kimberley’s pop foray. Deliciously monotone and repetitive, this really is a gift!
This is what she looked like when she dressed up as Diana Ross:
HOLD ME BECAUSE I CANNOT COPE.
She stole Kourtney’s breaskmilk because it cured her psoriasis and then asked Kourtney to pump some more so she could feed her cat, Mercy.
I don’t actually know where to begin with this one, so I just won’t, because I just can’t.
She X-Rayed her ass:
Tired of reports that her infamous derriere was surgically enhanced, Kim knew the only way to prove that her rear was au naturel was by wasting a doctor’s valuable time and having her mahoooooosive behind X-Rayed to prove it was all real. Khloe then posted this picture on her blog of Kim looking decidedly smug and I think it’s beyond hilarious.
On her heritage:
“I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal.”
She kind of thinks she is Elizabeth Taylor:
“I buy myself a gift every year, so this year I bought everything I wanted.” (Also, Harper’s Bazaar bizarrely allowed Kim to interview Elizabeth Taylor and it is the last known interview with the iconic actress. Kim asked her the most vacuous questions, naturally, but read it here.)
She thinks she can forge a friendship with Beyoncé:
She is not subtle about her thirst for the D:
She hashtagged #Enlightenment to show that she is #Cultured
Kim is on holidays in Thailand with her family at the minute and in a series of Instagram pictures, Kim shows her millions of followers how she is either #blesssed, #enlightened or has #etiquette as she takes part in local traditions.
She tried to take a selfie with an elephant and this happened:
Let’s not forget that she named her child after a direction!
Before baby North, or Nori was born, there were plenty of rumours that Kim was going to call her unborn daughter after a compass direction, but with such ridiculous claims even refuted by Kim herself, nobody really believed she would do such a thing. So when Kim gave birth and actually did name her child North, the Internet was sent into a frenzied meltdown. She is the ultimate fairy, with heaps of #notions.
Even though she has notions above her station, she admits she is still a regular, flawed human!
On her support for Barack Obama’s politics:
“He just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s like, his motto.”
She died her hair blonde and thought it made her look like a different person:
“I dunno, they say I look like a different ethnicity. Nobody has been recognising me!”
That time she lost her $75,000 earring in the ocean but Kourtney was having none of Kim’s #notions
And finally, her most iconic #notion of all:
BOW DOWN BITCHES, BOW DOWN.