Y’know when you’re sitting in a classroom for the first time and a teacher or tutor asks each person to go around the room and introduce themselves to fellow students? That oftentimes-terrifying moment when you have to scramble in your brain for something remotely interesting to say about yourself? “My name is Jamie and I’m a final year English student and my hobbies include blah, blah, blah…” It’s all rhubarb, to be quite frank. If I’m being completely honest, one of my greatest passions in life is The Gurlo and to be more specific, The Gurlo who is gas on a night out. It’s my standard unit of measurement for testing how successful a friendship will be.
The following is a wishlist – seven Irish women who I can envisage being all of the fun on a night on the tiles. Each one being able to make it through the night without once complaining about how their heels are killing them as we dance the night away. To each woman, I would offer my right arm for a shimmy to Beyoncé (obviously) and a dodgy curry at 4.30 a.m.
Ever since Twink, a.k.a., Irish panto superstar and all-round glorious entertainer, SLAYdele Adele King told her ex-husband, David Agnew to “zip up his mickey”, I knew I wanted to be her best friend. But nothing could have prepared me for “Teddy-Gate”. The story of Adele’s beloved Teddy being taken by “opportunists” has been front-page news for the last few weeks. Now that the pooch has been returned to its doting owner, it’s safe to say that the saga has elevated Twink to Princess-Di levels of national treasuredom. Teddy, who is replacing Brian O’Driscoll as Ireland’s national hero was the catalyst to Twink’s reunion with frenemy, Linda Martin and as well that, his brief disappearance brought about some wonderful one-liners from the ever-theatrical panto dame. One of my favourites was when, asked by journalist Barry Egan how she was coping, Twink replied, “I feel like the Michelle Pfeiffer character in What Lies Beneath.” Marvellous stuff.
2. Anne Doyle
Whatever you do, do not call Anne Doyle a veteran. Those of you who can remember (and why wouldn’t you?) TV3’s Total Xposure, the 2009 reality series which set out to find a new Xposé host will recall Anne’s disgust upon being called a veteran by contestant, Daniella Moyles. Moyles was the victim of Doyle’s razor sharp wit as she schooled the model in appropriate interview technique. And it is Anne’s fiery and gloriously-camp sense of humour that makes her the dream drinking companion. Watch the former newsreader’s 2013 Late Late Show interview below (0:36), wherein she hilariously tells Ryan Tubridy why she “never got a husband.” Anne reveals “I borrowed the odd one, but I always sent them back in good condition.” Are you able? Because I surely am not.
3. Kathryn Thomas
You’d have a wild night out with Kathryn and you’d probably have an elephantine hangover the next morning. In an ideal world, you’d be dancing on the tables of Krystle or the like, only descending when the thirst required you to take a shlurp of your double vodka and coke. Ah, yes, Kathryn who shot to fame with what seemed like the best job in the world – presenter of RTE travel show, No Frontiers (are you singing the theme tune, yet?) would have you howling on a night out. She’d be the star of the show at pre-drinks – the enthralling raconteur revealing the juiciest of gossip – a dream, through and through. Remember when she peaked too soon during the final of The Voice of Ireland? Thinking the performance was over, Kathryn appeared on stage, only to realise the act wasn’t finished. Did it knock a stir out of her? Not at all – Kathryn ended up throwing caution to the wind and started dancing around the performer. Watch it below!
4. Celia Holman Lee
If you follow me on the Twitter machine, then you’ll be familiar with my adulation of the winner of the inaugural best-dressed gong at the 2002 VIP Style Awards and victor of 2010’s Celebrity Salon, Celia Holman Lee. Having “modelled the length and breadth of Ireland”, the fashion agency boss is arguably the closest thing Ireland has to Victoria Beckham (!) and she oozes glamour and aspiration at every possibly opportunity. What I love most about Celia is her constant championing of her beloved Limerick at every opportunity. Whether she is presenting a fashion segment or giving an interview, sometimes it’s hard to tell whether Celia is at a GAA match or on national television and if that doesn’t make an icon, what will? Flick to 3.50 in the below video to see Celia’s flawless rendition of Beyonce’s Single Ladies to get a hint of what one might expect if you were lucky enough to experience a night out in Limerick with her.
5. Lucy Kennedy
Up until her 2008 TV series, Livin’ With Lucy, I hadn’t realised how much fun Lucy Kennedy is. She is, quite simply, a scream. The TV show saw Lucy spending a week in the homes of Samantha Mumba, David Norris and Calum Best to name but a few. In one episode, as she was sitting with Calum Best and his friend, Lucy told the friend that “I wouldn’t touch him with yours”, when asked if she would consider Calum as a love interest. Her shits given are in minus figures and you can be sure that on a night out, she’d have your back and take nothing from no one about anything. The sass would be hunreal and I’d be lapping it up with Lucy.
6. & 7. Bláthanid Ní Chofaigh and Amanda Brunker
These two come as a pair and with good reason. The early noughties were all about Paris and Nicole, but now it’s time for a new duo to take centre-stage. I’m christening them, BláthManda. Bláthnaid is perhaps best known for presenting the highly addictive, unfortunately now-defunct, Afternoon Show alongside Sheana Keane and Anna Nolan, but Bláth (can I call her that?) was always the star of the daily talk-show. Amanda is the Jacqueline of all trades and mistress of many. Journalist, author (of the dazzling Champagne trilogy), model, sometimes singer (!!!), Midday panellist and all-round sage of the Sunday World, Amanda’s CV is bulging. Along with Ireland’s most famous Gaelgoir (no shade to the Seoige sisters), Ní Chofaigh, it ensures BláthManda are a force to be reckoned with.As you can see from the picture, they enjoy a good night out and it would appear that Amanda is living the dream with two iPhones. Possibly starting a petition to get these gals to join some friends and myself for a bottle of Bombay and dance-off at a lowbrow venue of their choosing. A signature could save a life, folks.
Honourable mentions to Miriam O’Callaghan, Linda Martin, Mary from Crystal Swing and the Seoige sisters. XoXo.